A Rant

Never before has a topic (or single person) infuriated me more than the Stay at Home Mothers (SAHM) vs. working mothers, and it’s not because I think one is better than the other. More one (maybe 2) woman's comments on a well read blog set my blood pressure to high and my teeth to clench. This woman, who I will not name as I have resorted to childish measures on Twitter and am now over it,does not have children but made the following comments:
"Staying at home is definitely easier than going to work AND looking after children. If you can afford it, good on you. You get to escape daily, mandatory commute in any weather, not ever seeing sunlight, the relentless grind of fixed schedules, performance anxiety, the requirement to continuously educate yourself in your chosen field...Whatever way you look at it, satisfying physical work around the house is not as draining as 12 hour working days. Note that all the working ladies still have their chores waiting for them at home." For the record not all mothers work 12 hour days, as they need to collect their children from school, care etc. I have friends who are mothers who choose to work and some who have to, good on them as it is what works for them. But as I pointed out this woman does NOT have kids! Unfortunately her quotes about us SAHM's not having a brain and being lazy was deleted so here's my 2 cents...

I am a SAHM and soon to be a part-time working mother. Why? Because I'd like Paul to be able to spend more time at home rather than feeling he needs to work overtime to support us. It’s a choice for me to work and I'd rather help with income so he can spend precious moments with Abbey and also so we can enjoy a holiday at Christmas to see our families.

As a mother the only difference I can really see between me and those who work full-time (whether by choice or necessity) is that I have more one-on-one time with my daughter. I don’t know if that time is more quality than the time working mothers get with their children. Why? Because I am not in their house 24/7, I can't see how they relate to their kids and nor can anyone see how I interact with Abbey. I have a brain, a rather active one, and I am using it to its full capacity when staying at home or out in the workforce. The only thing that has changed is the conversation. In my working career I often felt like the people I worked with were children and now instead of treating adults like children, I'm treating my daughter like a child but in a 'good way'!

One of the main reasons I became a SAHM is Abbey's eczema. To see your child smiling at you through bloody sores on their face, mittens covered in blood is something I will live with for the rest of my life. It is making me teary just remembering it and typing this. Eczema is a nasty affliction and Abbey's is atopic, that means it’s genetic. Great, another thing to add to my Mothers Guilt. Aside from the actual physical presence of eczema, it also has other characteristics, such as night waking. Think about it, you'd wake too if you were itchy and uncomfortable. So I get up to Abbey several times a night and she is breast fed, I tried controlled crying, only be told by the Specialist it was cruel due to the night waking, again more guilt.

Paul and I talked about me working, and as he pointed out at the time I could barely function around the house, how the hell was I going to be able to work? If you know me you know I am a pedantic worker, bordering on anal and a perfectionist. I don't like things to be half-arsed. So being sleep-deprived in a work situation was not going to benefit anyone, although looking back on my 20's I seemed to cope just fine! To give you an indication of how zombie like I was (I've become 'conditioned'), I once walked across a street with Abbey in her pram after I heard the 'clicking' of the green man. The problem was I was at a t-intersection and it wasn't my green man. Somehow there was no traffic, only a car far enough away for me to cross without incident, well not quite, I was verbally abused my the occupants in the car. The worst part is I didn't realise what I'd done until a woman at the other side of the lights pointed out that the lights were green. When you take a breath and the 'ding' goes off as to what just happened, I sobbed all the way home.

And as a SAHM I'm NOT lazy, just because it may seem that I have more time in my day doesn't make me lazier than mothers that work. My day is full.

My only grievance in this argument is those women (and sometimes) men who haven’t experienced parenthood who feel the need to comment on this debate, you haven’t experienced the wonders of being a parent so you cannot justify your arguments however sound they may be in your own head.

And lastly to all the Mums and Dad’s out there, whether you are working fulltime, part-time, from home, out of an office, in a field, or like me are at home, I raise my glass to you and thank you for raising my daughters future boyfriend (‘s? gawd), husband, best friend, team mates, Doctor, Nurse, Hairdresser, Garbage Collector, Teacher and my future grandchildren’s possible childcare workers!